I just threw up on my dentist
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
