just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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