I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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