I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
fuck your aforementioned shoe
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
