watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
