where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
