So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
