Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
