Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
