Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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