Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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