Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
