Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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