Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
