Swine flu. Run for my life!
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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