For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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