Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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