bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
