Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
