worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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