I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
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My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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