i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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