wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
We need to get me chipped asap
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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