When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Is it because I queefed?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
