i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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