I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
