If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
