so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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