Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Randomize
