you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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