getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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