your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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