I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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