so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
