I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
