Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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