WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
