onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
