Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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