my room smells like sperm. sweet.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
