before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
they need to just BURY HIM!
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
