Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
