Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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