he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
