It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
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woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
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Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
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