You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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