party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
