no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still dying that you shit outside
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
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