my vag is so smooth its legendary
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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