he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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