he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
