dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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