If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
