It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
