U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
