Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I just blew my weed a kiss
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
