it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
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they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
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I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
i think we sleep fucked last night...
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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