So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Im part way to drunk.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
is that a dick in a sweater?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
