did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
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