Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
