i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
