Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
