It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
