i just made my gag reflex go away.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
