I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
