i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
