I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
