WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
