I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Fuck appropriateness.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
