If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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