Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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