i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
