Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
