I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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