Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
