did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
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