god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
