just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Michael Bay diarrhea
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
