sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
